Consultant's Corner

Easing Fears: Unmasking the Mystery of Summer Programs for Your Child

Volume 5 / Issue 2 / Winter 2005

I would like to send my child to a summer residential program, but she is hesitant to go. I know that she will gain much from the experience, but how do I convince her without feeling as if I am forcing her to attend?

Summer residential programs can be wonderful growing experiences for children, providing new challenges both academically and socially. They present opportunities for children to make new friends, to feel support from other children with similar interests and values, and to become more comfortable with and accepting of themselves.

Children, including gifted ones, vary in their willingness to take risks and try new things. Living away from home at an academic summer camp definitely poses some risk, and children may wonder, “Will I do well in my class? Will I make friends?” However, only by meeting challenges and taking risks do individuals grow. Fortunately, the risks of attending an academic summer camp for most are minimal, primarily consisting of homesickness and fear of the unknown. So, what can you do to help your child want to take on such a challenge?

• First and foremost, reframe the question from “Should my child attend the summer program?” to “What is the match between the program’s attributes and my child’s needs?” Will the program provide the right degree of
  academic challenge and stimulation? Will it support your child’s needs for socialization and friendship? Will your child get a good blend of study and fun?
• Get as much information as you can from brochures and administrators about all aspects of the program. You will want to know what a typical day is like (hour by hour). You should also ask about details such as class size, class activities, residential activities, weekend excursions, and the staff’s qualifications. Increased knowledge can allay the concerns you and your child have.
• Ask your child to identify why he or she is hesitant to attend the program. List the reasons on paper and talk about them one by one. Sometimes just identifying the obstacles or worries relieves anxiety about them.
• If your child is concerned about whether he or she will succeed academically in the program, ask to see a course syllabus from the previous summer and review it with your child. If he or she is afraid of not being prepared for the class, talk with a teacher who really knows your child’s capabilities to gain perspective and advice. Also, ask the program administrators what skills are needed to succeed in the classes your child is interested in and what types of class work and homework are assigned.
• Visit the campus where the program will be held and, if possible, tour the dormitories with your child. Such a visit helps children picture themselves living on campus.
• Recruit a friend from your home school or town to attend with your child. Having a familiar face around will help guard your child against loneliness.
• Talk to your child about taking risks and stretching oneself academically and socially. Ask your child to recall other situations that were challenging and to remember how he or she coped with them. Discuss coping strategies for homesickness and social difficulties (e.g., telling the counselor and calling home) and for academic problems
  (e.g., talking with the teacher).
• Articulate the support system— residential counselors, teachers, program administrators, and parents—that will be in place to help your child deal with the program’s challenges.
• Take the pressure off for high achievement. Reassure your child that you know that this is a challenging situation and that you are proud of him or her for taking it on. State explicitly that less-than-excellent performance is acceptable.
• Practice at home some of the skills that will make your child’s transition to the program easier, such as getting up with an alarm clock, keeping a clean room, doing laundry, and studying independently.
• Ask the program administrators for assistance in finding a family whose child has participated in the program so that you can contact them and get their perspective.
• Most important, reassure your child that you understand his or her reluctance and that you will be there always to provide support and reassurance and to help with any problem that arises.

—Paula Olszewski-Kubilius, PhD

Paula Olszewski-Kubilius is director of the Center for Talent Development at Northwestern University.